My epiphany. Romances thus far (or lack of)

MONDAY, after a not too eventful and yet enjoyable weekend, I stumble into the office...late. Dang it. No make-up, hair in ponytail, last minute random outfit thrown together in 2 mins. Yep. It's about to be one of those days. One of those days where I try to hide in my little corner of my little cubicle and avoid eye contact with any other human. Goal: Make it through 8 hours of the work day, get the job done, no small talk, get home before anyone notices those dark circles under the eyes. Thank the good Lord I didnt forget my iPod touch and headphones..wheww! Now you may be wondering what has caused my tardiness (yet again) and laziness(hence the absense of makeup) this beautiful Monday morning after having a weekend to prepare... Well, this is where my epiphany comes into play. As I'm staring at my computer screen, trying to force my brain to start thinking "expense reports, invoices, deadlines..etc..", instead all I keep reviewing over and over quietly to myself are the events of the night before (Sunday), as well as the other 2 previous nights(Saturday & Friday)! No, it was nothing huge or life changing. Nothing of any real importance. But ya know what. To us single ladies in the house, the following may very well be the most important little details that can determine what the next steps to take will be in terms of DATING. Yes, thats right. Dating. Hanging out. Courting. Chillin. Kickin it. Blah blah blah. Whatever you want to refer to it as. Ok, ok ok... back to staring at my computer monitor.. So I'm sitting there rewinding my life of the last 3 nights and it hits me. Here I am, a hardworking, independent, mostly beautiful (i like to think), woman and I have just spent time with THREE different men, each one on a different day over the past weekend. And all I come away with is a tired, dragging, tardy ass, 'baby mole-rat' lookin version of the beautiful me from the 3 nights before, worrying and analyzing the small talk and body language from those 3 lucky b@$t@rd$! And I realize, DATING SUCKS! And suddenly it is an immediate need for me to de-brief another woman on the details from said previous nights so that they may also come to the realization with me that said dating does indeed suck. Thus, this blog is born. So on to the good stuff. Lets back it up to Friday night.
FRIDAY. 5pm. Done with work! Yessss! I'm leaving the office trying to decide which one of my girlfriends I want to call first to plan an exciting last minute Friday night with! Wait.. I've just received a text message. "We still on for tonight?" From Adam, the personal trainer. Oh yeah! Duh, I had a date planned for tonight! HHhmm, honestly, I can't say I was looking forward to it or excited, but it was nice to know that someone wanted to spend time(and money, c'mon ladies, lets be honest!) on me. Luckily I hadn't talked to any girlfriends yet. Adam and I are friends. We've established a 'brother-sister' like friendship while working together, so this date is very low maintanence. Wahoo! I reply, "Of course, cant wait!" I dont even bother to change clothes or freshen up my foundation. No butterflies of nervousness whatsoever. This is nice, actually! Relaxed! We eat yummy yummy food, have great laughs and then decide on a new movie in theatres. Observations throughout the night were that Adam is quite the gentleman! Opens my doors, "order whatever you want", "you pick the movie", etc. By far better than the majority of my past dates, thats for sure! He laughed at all my stupid remarks and there were no akward moments. I really like Adam, I've decided. But unfortunately, not in a way that I could ever be in love with Adam. He walked me to my door and we hugged as friends do, and said our goodnights. Next time, its on me.
SATURDAY: Ok, so this wasn't really a date at all. David is someone I have known for the past few months or so. We met through mutual friends, but it has been a long while since the last time we hung out. He's also friends with a couple other of my close girlfriends. We invite him to tag along with us as we run a'muck to past the time after another depressing wedding reception of a girl from high school. Which by the way, my refrigerator door was COVERED with wedding invites from old and new friends tying the knot.. follwed by that oh so familiar ::SIGH::... "someday..". . . Alright, back to David. He agrees to tag along. I see him pull up to my place, and I suddenly get an urge of excitement, could these be butterflies??? weird... I'm not sure why but I was kind of excited to see him after so long. He's cute in a good boy sorta way and I like it. :) He hugs me and conversation comes easily. He compliments me more than a few times.. very flattered . I'm getting a twinge of a crush coming on but surpress it because I don't want to jump ahead of myself. We all watch a movie, but he and I sit together on the couch and very innocently snuggle. Just for a little bit. I've decided he is precious and regardless, I'd like to spend some more time with David. He hugs me when he leaves, and texts me when he arrives home safely. I fall asleep thinking of what may come from David, if anything at all.
SUNDAY: Afternoon date with a fellow I met on a dating site... AAHH!! thats right. I admit it. A dating site! You know what though, lets face it... I am very rarely ever in a place where I can meet new people, much less meet new men that I can possibly find my future sould mate. So I joined a dating site and voila! I meet Brandon. Brandon and I have been "talking" for a little over a month, almost 2 months. He meets me at the grocery store.. DUH! Never ever bring a stranger you met online to your home first, especially alone! First impression: he definately looks different in his pictures... he doesnt seem that too enthused to see me either... hhmm, this could be a bad sign. Hell! I know I look good! HAH! ;-) I wanted to spend a little time feeling out the situation before suggesting to go anywhere with it. I feel comfortable enough with him that I do invite him over to make some lunch and experiment this cake recipe I found!(Maybe I will post recipe and pics later... you should try it! ) One realiztion I made quickly with Brandon was that I would be leading the conversation. No doubt about it. He was coming off shy and reserved, but I couldnt read him at all so I didnt know if it was because he is indeed shy and maybe nervous! Or maybe he just wasnt interested and decided to just finish out the date politely. Either way, I was going to just be myself and make the best of it. Afterall, I had just bought all the ingredients for this much sought after cake recipe, and I was stoked to try it! He could just be my guinea pig/food critic, if nothing else. For the remainder of the date, we prepared lunch at my place (roommate was present, fyi. keep online dating safe!) I found myself asking the dumbest "small talk" questions just to keep the crickets from chirping! HOLY CRAP DUDE! Throw me a frickin bone at least! He was very polite, and nice, and smiled and laughed when expected, but I still couldnt tell if he was diggin me or not! On the other hand, I wasn't diggin him all that much, and maybe he was picking up on that? ... Hmm...He didnt seem at all impressed with my attempt at making a delicious Italian meal, but thats ok. I  really didnt mind that it didnt turn out. We still had the cake.. After an hour or so, I think to myself, screw this small talk, lets start a movie. I put in a movie, and now its time to read the body language. He seemed open and comfortable in that sense. On the couch, we both sat leaning into one another, shoulder to shoulder, but not too much for a first date. My mind kept thinking "should I get a blanket and offer to share?" That's always the big OPEN DOOR "WELCOME" sign for cuddling, right? I dont think its too much, besides, we've been chatting, texting, emailing and talking on the phone for a whole month, and more! I think cuddling would be just fine! But I cant bring myself to suggest it. I wait it out to see if he makes any advances...ie; hand next to leg, hand on leg, arm around shoulder... etc.. etc... Nope. But he hasnt closed himself off either.. Still very open. Arm and hand still out and available for me to take if I decided to, but the old fashioned tiny part of me still wanted him to make that first move, if it were to be made. Nope. The cake was made, and I served it up. He loved it! I dont blame him, it was melt in your mouth amazing! We finished off the movie, and again I started with the small talk... trying to get him to open up more. It was feeling a bit more comfortable, and I thought that was good. While aimlessly watching pointless clips of tv shows, I decide that I made all this food and have spent this much time (at least 4 hrs) with this man, that I deserve at least a little bit of snuggle time. He's cute, and tall.. I'd feel cozy in his arms, at least enough to block out the "single" status feeling for maybe just a few more hours. So I say it. "I think that you should snuggle with me." And being the polite nice guy that he is, he adheres to my request. And we snuggle. At this point, he then proceeds to soflty tickle my arm, and ever so gently, we "hold" hands. More like our hands are spooning. :) It was nice. We stayed like this for possibly an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours before we both began falling in and out of sleep, where he then decides it best to get home. It's about 11:30 pm at this point. We say our goodnights, and he hugs me.. I breathe in deep to smell his cologne again, thinking this could probably be the first and last time I get to feel that warmth from Brandon. I take it for what it's worth and enjoy the short moment. He leaves, and back to the couch I go to snuggle up in the warm spot he has left on the couch where I can still smell a hint of the cologne. I fall asleep there with the tv soflty buzzing in the background of my dreams.
          The downside: There were no sparks or fireworks this past weekend. The bright side: I enjoyed myself and had some good company and some great company and some great food. I'm finding myself more and more just "comfortable" with this sort of dating. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? These little "encounters" of mine.... oh my oh my. When will it ever end? My closing thought. So at the wedding reception I mentioned that I went to on Saturday night, I asked my newly married gal pal, "Was it love at first sight?" Jokingly, she replied, "For him it was!" :) But she went on to admit that as she primping for the night out when she met her prince charming, her girlfriend had to talk her into going and had mentioned " You might meet your future soul mate.. you never know"... She went, obviously. And met her love. And they are so wonderful together. Their "how we met" story gave me some hope, a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel of this "dating life" that I feel I'm just adrift in. A hope that its possible, love is out there. and it can happen. So ladies, when primping for your next night out, remember, you might just meet your future soul mate. Keep your heart open and always remember your best accessory is your smile. :) Till my next encounter, sweetest dreams. <3